They did matter, at least to me

     Paula and I have helped clean out houses of folks who have passed away, and I've come home wanting to get rid of stuff.  I look around our own house and I realize that almost nothing will have any value after I'm gone, even to my own kids.  

     Among other things, there are thousands of pictures, now digitized, that bring me back to the moments when they were taken.  Almost no one will recognize the folks or the places, or what significance they had.  The vast majority won't mean anything to anyone.

     But they did to me, and that makes it hard to let them go.  

     I have a canvas duffel that my kind father bought me at the camping store when I was twelve.  I overloaded it, not knowing what I needed at Camp Thunderbird for my very first week away from home.  I'm sure that even Goodwill won't want it, but it still carries my name where I printed it on the side.  I remember carefully filling it with my clothes and gear, and then lugging it to our campsite from the bus. 

     Or my blue shirt tail, cut off by my flight instructor when I was sixteen the day I soloed an airplane for the first time; the piece of cloth was proudly hung up in the airport lounge with others.  No one will know the strength of that moment to me.

     My missionary calendar book, full of appointments that brought joy or heartache, names of people for whom I worked and prayed, themselves now long gone. 

     The beautiful small plate received on our wedding day from Mrs. Palmer, the kind neighbor that gave me a ride to school every day during sixth grade.  She talked to me as she drove, and seemed to care. 

     And thus the stuff ends up that was attached to a life.  It's moved aside, leaving room for someone else to have the millions of small and large experiences that will define their character, which in the end is one of the only things that you can take with you. 

     Ah, but won't the memories somehow cling to that kayak helmet?  Shouldn't they recognize how important that diploma was when they come to clean out the house?  Not likely - it's time for them to build their own memories, unencumbered by my things.

     But for a few more moments, let them matter, at least to me.

Dave 

Addicted to Pain!

          As I've mentioned before, I learned to ride a bike when I was eight years old (slow learner) and I haven't stopped since.  I commuted to work by bicycle for almost 25 of my 28 years in private practice.  I would have done it more during residency training, but when my father found out that I was riding to Duke Hospital at 4:45 AM to make rounds and often riding back home in the dark late the next night, he mumbled something about throwing good money after bad and lent me enough to buy a $750 car.  

        Paula and I rode up Provo Canyon when we were dating as students at BYU about a thousand years ago, 

and we've done several bike tours as "vacations" through the years.  It's a great way to really explore a place; you get to smell the lavender fields (and the cows), see the people (and their camper vans hurtling down the roads), and get a feel for the clime (including rain, hail, wind, cold, etc.).  

        So when we were doing so in Croatia last year and our beloved friend and guide Sue Clark mentioned a trip that she and the other guides and the owner of the small New Zealand company had put together in Montenegro, Paula said, "Sign us up!"

        Easy, right?  Just jump on a bike and see the world!  Not if that world is described as having around 80,000 feet of vertical to be ridden up over two weeks and 500 kilometers' distance.  It means that although you're riding your bike a couple of times a week at home, that's not going to cut it.

        Instead, it means a lot of work trying to get in good enough condition for such a trip, with daily rides, 50-mile ones a couple of times a week in which you are looking for, instead of avoiding, the biggest hills in (surprisingly hilly) Raleigh, NC, etc.  This all has to start at least a couple of months prior to the trip.  Sometimes the weather would interfere, like this attempted ride after a big rain.

          And if the weather was too bad, "riding the rollers" in the kitchen.  (Note:  This is not actually me - my crashes on the rollers were even more spectacular, and this guy had the sense to wear a helmet.)

          Sadly, Paula's beloved brother Alan was fading quickly as we were getting ready.  He passed away about ten days before the trip, and his funeral was scheduled for the day we were to land in Croatia.  Paula rescheduled her ticket and attended, while I went ahead to Dubrovnik.  I was able to see her and listen to the service thanks to the internet, while I sat on a balcony in a hotel.

        Paula and I don't ride on Sundays, so I did the Monday ride with the other seven members of the group (all New Zealanders, or "Kiwis") and the three guides, and we picked up Paula at the end of the ride.  By this time, in four days she had traveled to Oregon, attended her brother's funeral, caught a redeye flight back to Raleigh, and then boarded a three-leg flight to Croatia.  We helped her navigate the parking lot curbs, ignored her tangled attempts at speech and buckled her in the van, still severely disoriented.

        Although the next day's ride began in Croatia, we quickly arrived at the border with Bosnia, which required a passport check to leave Croatia, then a half-mile later a second check to enter Bosnia.  Another ten miles or so later, another stamp at the crossing to leave Bosnia, and after a half-mile a fourth check to enter Montenegro, where we rode for the next ten days or so.  So how do you do a border crossing on a bicycle?  That's right, on your bicycle, with your passport in your back pocket.  The border guys were unimpressed, mumbling something in a Slavic tongue while we smiled, said "Thanks," and pedaled off.  

        The owner of Kiwi Style Bike Tours is a former bicycle racer, having competed internationally for New Zealand in his younger days.  (He's on the left.  The one on the right refuses to race.)

        He offers ten two-week tours each year, most of them including famous mountain stages of the Tour de France and other European major races, and they are booked up years in advance.  The Croatian trip last year and this trip to Montenegro are considered his "easy" tours.  Arranging the hotels, transfers and everything else involved in getting a dozen "guests," three guides, two vans and bicycles stored somewhere in France together occupies the fragments of his time when he's not on the road scouting the actual routes of the trips.  We were lucky that he and two of the delightful guides from the Croatia outing were on this one. 

         Where's Montenegro? you might ask.  It's across the Adriatic Sea from Italy and was one of the six entities balled up into "Yugoslavia" after World War I.   This was after millennia of various dominations by the Ottomans, Austro-Hungarians, Russians, French, Venetians, the Detroit City Council and about fourteen other known groups.   The country itself only became a free-standing nation in 2006, when a close vote was held to separate itself from its former conglomeration called "Serbia and Montenegro."  Montenegro is working on becoming an official EU partner, while already having joined NATO and adopted the Euro as its official currency.

        So what's Montenegro like on a bicycle?  It is said that while absolutely deserving visitors, the country is perhaps ten years behind Croatia tourism-wise, and that's almost completely to the good.  Much of the economic wealth is concentrated on its coast, where most of the tourist dollars are also spent.  The inner topography is very mountainous and the towns are small, and prices haven't caught up...yet. 

        We tackled Durmitor National Park on the third day.  It's a beautiful, raw area in the mountains, with a single-lane road winding up and down.  I did about 6,000 feet of vertical that day, and while the guides took pity on Paula and let her skip some of it, she and I soloed back to the inn by ourselves in the wind, cold and a bit of rain.  

        The sauna at the end was perfect!  Unfortunately, while there, a WhatsApp message came through saying that the guides were storing the bikes for the night and I needed to get the bike lights off ours to charge.  Not much to do but grab whatever was available and go down.

        The daily rides were varied but always impressive.  We spent one day holed up in a hotel while a major storm passed through, but the next day looked better.  Don't trust Montenegran weather reports.  Moments after setting off on a 30-kilometer ride through twenty-some tunnels on another day, the bottom fell out.  Trying to ride through the longer tunnels guided only by the blinking bike lights ahead of you, as seen through rain-speckled glasses, while having no idea of what potholes are lurking is a great way to stay awake.  

         Another day found us with fellow-travelers on the narrow roads.  

        Stops at little cafes along the way were cool, and the soup was hot. 

        On a particularly beautiful day, we climbed up to a mausoleum at the top Mount Lovcen, built in the late 1970's by the Yugoslavian Communist government on the site where several small chapels had periodically housed the remains of King Petar II Petrovic-Njegos.   He had decided he wanted to be buried at the top of that mountain, and the first chapel was built in 1848, where he was buried when he died three years later.  However, with various wars and the ever-changing political situations, his progressively-deteriorating remains went back and forth to Cetinje, which was periodically the capitol of the variously defined limits of what was sometimes termed "Montenegro."  The Communists after World War 2 finally said, "Доста тога!" roughly translated as "OK, enough of that!!" tore down the old chapel and built a neo-classical or whatever thing on the mountain, and to which we grunted and sweated on our bikes in order to visit.  The bike ride up wasn't easy, 

nor were the 461 steps finally bringing one to the structure itself from the road's end just before the left bottom corner of the picture.

        Other days were near-idyllic, such as one riding along through villages along the Bay of Kotor.  Looks great, no? 

        Yeah, well, about a half-mile later, the road turned left, with gradients up to 16%.  Ooof.

        The last day's ride was one of the best, a route called The Serpentine, climbing above Kotor City itself for 3,100 feet.  

As typical, it was a single-lane road, but with 26 tight switch backs this time.

        At one point, two gigantic tour buses found themselves nose to nose, (OK, I didn't actually get a picture, but you get the idea)

and when we were stopped by the jam, the two bus drivers where on the road waving their arms and screaming at each other in some Slavic tongue which I had the good luck not to understand.  Finally one gave in and backed up to a (minor) widening in the road and we pulled ahead, racing the scattered cars back down The Serpentine.   

        The last couple of days were spent in Perast, a small village 20 minutes up the road from the cool but tourist-infested Old Town of Kotor.  Sharp-eyed Paula noted a water leak in our first-assigned room, and they had to upgrade us to a room right on the water.  Darn.

        So, in the end was it a good way to see a really out-of-the-way place?  Indeed, though I've been threatened with divorce or worse by Paula if I consider doing anything like it again.  Hmmm...maybe on ebikes?

Dave & Paula

Times to treasure

      We put the beach towel bins back in the attic this afternoon.  

      The beds in the extra bedrooms have been made, and the toys have been picked up and put back on the shelves.  Everything is just about back in order, and the house is once again calm and quiet...Rats...  

      It was a great week-and-a-couple-of-days.  Folks started showing up on Friday a week ago, and by that evening it was hard to find a place at the table to help eat the pork butt Paula cooked on the grill all day, but it was easy to find someone to laugh with and catch up on what they'd been doing.  The little 'squad' of four- and five-year-old granddaughters found the dress-up clothes and ran around the house in some extravagant outfits.  ("Wasn't that part of someone's wedding dress?")  And of course the fish needed fed.

     The next day everyone made it safely to the rented beach house two hours to the east; the 'squad' had important conversations in the back seat on the way down, such as whether or not you could actually live on the moon (by the way, you can't - apparently, "tomatoes can't grow there," thus deciding the question).

     The weather was rotten, as Tropical Storm/Hurricane Debby stalled on the South and North Carolina coast.  Yeah, but the swimming pool was great, 

and you could still dig holes on the beach when it wasn't raining.  

       The aunts brought cookies and enough snacks to push everyone into BMI danger, and Oh, wow!  Did you see that guy boulder-climbing the wall on the Olympics playing nearly constantly on the TV?!  A birthday was celebrated, 

and cries of victory and defeat and laughter at the card games rang through the house long after I couldn't stay awake.  Aunt Kathleen had the annual Ice Cream Party complete with nose glasses, of course,

and Sophia almost made her first kayak roll.

     It's always sad on Friday afternoon when the very first item goes back in a suitcase, and especially on Sunday morning before sunrise, when the last family is quickly hugged on the sidewalk before dragging their luggage into the airport terminal.  The drive home is quiet, save for reminding ourselves of anything coming up in the next couple of days.

    That night, waiting for sleep, a feeling of fierce love for all of them came over me.  You never know how many more beach trips there will be with the whole gang, and I wanted to hang on to those moments just a little bit longer.  

     So, the last load of laundry just finished getting folded, and I put the boogie boards back in storage.  It's just Paula and I, and some pictures to sort through, and some great memories of having them all together one more time.  

Dave & Paula

Experiences, not stuff

      Everyone wants to be happy; even people doing rotten things believe that in some way, those actions will bring satisfaction or pleasure.  

     So, what makes people happy?  Stuff apparently isn't the way to go.  While buying a new gadget or the first drive in a new car may be thrilling for a short while, the thrill always fades, and we find ourselves back in the same place seeking the next purchase to keep the feeling going.  New purchases lead to new expectations; as soon as we get used to a new 'thing,' we start looking for the next fancier one.  And, the Joneses are always lurking nearby.  

     Experiences and relationships are clearly the way to go.  Multiple studies have found that people who went for experiences rather than material items were happier and felt that the money was better spent.  In fact, just the anticipation of an experience causes excitement and enjoyment, from the first moments of planning all the way through the memories you may cherish forever.  

     Thinking about this personally, I think that's true.  Sure, I thought that my new (to me) whitewater kayak was cool and I couldn't wait for it to arrive, but what actually lasted through many years was the memory of great times with my sons and friends on the trips where I used that boat. 

     Pretty soon, the new car was just a car, but the expedition in it with the kids to finish their scuba certification diving in springs in Florida?  We still talk and laugh about that, while the car long ago went to the junk yard.  By the way, there is still discussion as to whether or not I forgot and left that $20 in the glove box when it was towed away.  

     On the Saturdays before Christmas when the kids were still kids, we'd pick up 50 dozen hot Krispy Kreme glazed doughnuts in that minivan at about 0630, shove them in the faces of sleepy friends in pajamas at their doors, yell "Merry Christmas!" and head for the next victims, laughing all the way.  Tell me something I can buy for $125 (yeah, they used to be a LOT cheaper) that can cause that much good experience and good will and good memories and I'll concede.  Not a chance.  And by the way, I'll put how that van smelled after the Krispy Kremes up against the 'new car smell' any day.  

     Also, if you're still convinced that things mean more than experiences, try giving the things to someone else - the folks who do the research say that works better at making us happy than getting them for ourselves.  

     It has been said that "money can't buy happiness - but it can make a darn good down payment on some fun!"  However, the studies like those above indicate that on the average, wealthy people are no happier than those with stricter means.  While grinding poverty is a predictor of stress, illness and even physical danger, as long as basic needs are met the playing field levels out.

    OK, what else works?  Among others, a long running Harvard study says "relationships."  How long-running was that study?  It began in 1938, and eventually included well over a thousand men of various economic and social backgrounds, from guys at Harvard to folks from Boston's poorest neighborhoods (President John F. Kennedy was even part of the original group.).  The study continues today, and it has found a strong association between happiness and close relationships like spouses, family, friends and social circles.  The participants blessed with these relationships even lived longer; it was found that loneliness killed - in the end, it was as powerful a predictor as smoking or alcoholism. 

 

     Without exception, we have been blessed with great kids.  They are very kind to us at birthdays, Christmas, anniversaries, lunar eclipses, Mothers/Fathers Days, etc.  They also have this stuff about things and experiences all figured out.  For one of their gifts this year, they got together and bought us a cooking class at a local frou-frou cooking equipment place.  We chose "Moroccan" on a Saturday night.

    Paula has a well-deserved reputation as a good cook, and was soon helping the folks in our group of four.

     The guy teaching the class was a professional chef, having cooked in several well-known restaurants in Raleigh.  (Paula has mainly cooked in the not-as-well-known-but-just-as-tasty place called Mama Paula's Kitchen.)

     In the end, the food turned out very well, we bagged some new recipes and cooking methods and enjoyed our time working with the other folks in the class.

     So, putting it all together, don't waste time and money on stuff!  Go help someone.  Go learn to do something new.  Pull those you love a little closer, and learn to love those you don't.  If the purpose of this life is to change our souls for the better, that shiny new thing isn't going to do it.  Find joy in service and kindness instead, and have some new experiences along the way.  You'll be happier in the end.

Dave & Paula

It's Almost Time!

     No, no, no!  You're thinking of the playoffs for the NBA, or the NHL, or the RNC or the DVD.  No!  It's almost time for the 5th edition of the WORLD NOMAD GAMES!  DUH!!

     If you had forgotten, (c'mon people!) these are the every-two-year games first held in the Issyk-kul region of Kyrgyzstan in 2014.  After a three-time run there, they were most recently held in Turkey in 2022, and  now Astana, Kazakhstan gets its six-day time in the spotlight.  Or campfire.  Or whatever.  

     The Nomad Games are a celebration of the heritage of the nomadic people of Central Asia, and are an attempt to preserve some of their unique activities.  After the Soviet Union took over the area, the folks who used to move their existence with the seasons were mostly made to stay in one place and farm, mine or make tractors.  The last time the games were held, over 3,000 athletes from 102 countries competed.  

     Archery?  Olympic style?  Bo-RING!  How about this?!

      I suppose this style of archery was originally invented after your enemies had made off with your upper limbs or something.

     Wrestling?  Pfff!  Make it a little tougher by involving some horses.   After all, they were first domesticated right there on the steppe of Kazakhstan abut 5,000 years ago.  It is said that as soon as there were two automobiles, there was a car race.  Probably same deal - as soon as someone got the second horse to take orders, horseback wrestling was invented.  

     Dropped your iPhone while riding out on the steppe in 1,538 BC?  No problema, or as they say in Kazakh, Проблема жоқ!

     Kentucky Derby hats?  

     Pfffff once again.  The folks over east were going OG Kazakh cool WAAAAYYY before that...like a couple of millenia before that.  

     While the Olympics may have badminton,

it's actually a lot cooler if you can swoop down and EAT your opponent's birdie.

     Burning Man?   Once again, a hearty Pfffff!  How about Burning Kazakh?!

     A sport (I guess it can be included in that broad category) that is popular throughout Central Asia, and is even the national sport of Afghanistan is bushkazi, or as it is called in Kazakhstan, kok-boru.

     This 'game' had to have been invented by guys, specifically guys with horses, a few extra goats and boredom.  You do not want to be the goat or sheep, as it involves losing your head, and then being fought over by up to hundreds of guys on horses, and then tossed in a goal.  What could possibly go wrong?  If it sounds hazardous to more than the goat, you are correct.  Guys and horses go down frequently, but hey, it's a game!  Right?  If you are keeping score,  Kazakhstan's national kok-baru team currently holds the title of Eurasian Kok-baru Champions.  So there's probably a banner hung in a yurt somewhere out on the steppe. 

    I could go on and on - there are actually 37 different sports.  I left out asyk tu, a traditional game involving tossing and catching - what else - sheep knucklebones (we do that for Family Home Evening sometimes), and ashyrtmaly aba gureshi, or Turkish Belt Wrestling, which Paula now refuses to participate in.  Sore loser; I was on a winning streak when she quit.  

    Anticipating a real crowd, a lot of folks are getting their seats early.  

     So why the sudden interest in such cool stuff as the World Nomad Games?  Our daughter Ashley, her husband Brandon and their seven kids have lived in Central Asia for the last dozen years, and this gives us opportunities to collect interesting passport stamps, most recently the one from Kazakhstan.  

     Astana, where they live, is the second-coldest capital in the world, second only to Ulan Batar in Mongolia, so we were careful to book flights during what passes for summer there.  Wow!  We saw zero Americans except for a few at church on Sunday.  Ashley had cooked up lot of interesting things, from the National Museum (lots of knives and pots that Paula doesn't want in the kitchen)

to appreciating how utterly flat the steppe is immediately at the edge of the city from high atop the Bayterek Tower,

to riding horses ourselves on the steppe (Man!  If only I had a headless goat!  Gotta make a list next time!)

to 'glamping' in cool geodesic dome things out in a birch forest in the middle of nowhere,

as well as a lot of other things that can't happen or you can't see in Raleigh.  

     Aside from being really, really far from home in every category, from distance (30 hours travel time - not on a horse) to culture, it was great seeing Ashley and her really good family.

     The World Nomad Games actually take place in September so that it can start getting cold; we only saw some preparations being made.

     OK, that gives me some time; maybe I can borrow a bow and some arrows and ride around the neighborhood to get practice.

    The head gear is cool, and there are a couple of dogs I don't like and...

Dave