No, I can't sell you that.

When you go on a trip, there must always be an offering to the Gods of Forgetfulness.  One only hopes that the required offering is small.  Like a sock, not your suitcase.

Sister Henderson bakes her now-famous brownies for various meetings with the missionaries, to their delight.  

She baked over two hundred big ones for the present series of Zone Conferences, but we forgot and left the brownies for the next conference in the second hotel of the week-long trip.  The Gods of Forgetfulness are vengeful.

One of the Secretaries called the missionaries there to pick up the big container (known as a "Tupper" in Peruvian Spanish) from the hotel.  He called later to make sure it had happened.  The Elder confirmed that they had retrieved it, and that, "there were LOTS of brownies!" with the emphasis on "were."

OK, one problem solved - we'll get the (now empty) "Tupper" back.

However, we were left with finding something to replace the brownies for the Zone Conference.  I did what any good mission president would do.  I turned it over to the Assistants.

There are a fair number of baked good stores in Peru, with yummy-looking offerings.

In the first one they came to, the Assistants made a quick count and told the proprietor that they would like to buy all of her cakes.

"No.  I can't sell you all of the cakes," she said.

"Why not?" replied the Assistant.

"Because then I wouldn't have any cakes to sell," stated the proprietor.

"But, but, that's OK, because you are trying to sell your cakes, and we would like to buy them, and we will pay you for them."

"No.  I won't sell you my cakes."

Thinking this must just be a cake-merchandising anomaly, they proceeded to another cake store.

"We would like to buy all of your cakes.  Full price."

"No, I can't sell you all of my cakes.  Then I wouldn't have any cakes to sell."

"But, don't you see?  If we buy your cakes and give you the money, then that's great for you!"

"No, then I wouldn't have any cakes for other people to buy."

"AAAAAGGGGHHHHH!!"

It was no anomaly.  Believe it or not, a third cake story gave the same story.

So they tried an ice cream store, offering to buy 60+ units of frozen confection.

"No, I can't sell you that much ice cream."

"Do you mean that you don't have that much ice cream?"

"No, I just can't sell you that much."

"Why not?!"

"Because I am busy."

"But, but, there's no one else in the store!"

"You can call the manager."

"Why don't YOU call the manager?"

"Because I'm busy."

"AAAAAGGGGHHHHH!!"

The frustrated Assistants finally found a cake store that understood the basics of capitalism and bought enough cakes for the Zone Conference.  (This is just a third of those in attendance, but they look happy, no?)

We hope that you have better luck either a) finding a cake store that will work with you, or b) explaining economic principles in Spanish.

Dave & Paula

The shoes say a lot

On my last day at work, we burned my hospital shoes. They had seen a lot of wear over twenty-seven years with deliveries, operations, and hikes to the emergency room.  They went up nicely, having been soaked in lighter fluid for a couple of days.  

I haven't been back since.

A Sister missionary here finished up a couple of weeks ago, after serving faithfully for her 18 months.  I noticed the shoes, she smiled and said quietly, "Yes, they have seen some miles, and a ton of dust, rain, mud, and hills.  And a lot of experiences that I will not soon forget."

She hesitated, and placed them gently in the wastebasket.
Dave & Paula

The Forbidden Fruit!!

All missionaries in the Church are guided by a set of rules for their protection and effectiveness. Each mission may also have a few rules which are specific to it's particular features.
For instance, our missionaries are prohibited from riding in 'Ticos,' a product that I'm sure the Daewoo company of Korea would like to forget.

This is a Tico after colliding with a loose soccer ball.  Durability is not a strong point.

Likewise they are prohibited from climbing up Huaytapallana without a person approved by me, the weather has to be good, they have to stick together, and no one climbs on the glacier.

Food can likewise be problematic here.  For that reason, the missionaries are fed by pensionistas, who receive payment for providing (hopefully) sanitary meals. Missionaries are prohibited from drinking anything other than bottled water and drinks.  

And then there are specific foods that are verboten (that's Spanish, right?).

For instance, no one is to eat pork.  When one sees what the pigs feast on, the rule makes sense. There are not-infrequent deaths from trichinosis here, which is a parasite found in un-inspected pork.

Lettuce is also out.  After a bad night in an unheated bathroom at 14,400 feet, I personally will endorse that one.  Don't accept the salad at Kimbo's in Cerro de Pasco. Believe me.

Unfortunately, as ceviche is a trademark dish in Peru, and usually scrumptious, it contains raw fish, and so is on the list.  Darn.

OK, a really easy one to obey is the prohibition on eating tocosh, made by immersing potatoes in water for six to twelve months, then drying the rotten mess and putting it in soups, etc.  Ewwww!

The stench in the markets selling this stuff is enough to ensure compliance with THAT rule.

OK, finally the strawberry.  What?!  That luscious, red peak of fruit goodness?!

Yes, unfortunately, it's also a common place to pick up all sorts of microbes that ensure one's stay in the bathroom.  

However, when properly dealt with, by trained personnel,

and with adequate exposure to cleansing agents in the proper concentration and duration,

this otherwise deadly fruit can be made safe for human consumption.  That's lucky, as there is a specific strawberry season here, and they are cheap.  Paula has a family-famous recipe that is one of the tastiest desserts ever, and even looks good in the pictures.  The missionaries lucky enough to be invited that day thought they'd died and gone to dessert heaven.

We hope that your list of no-go's is not too long.

And don't eat the salad at Kimbo's.  I'm telling you.

Dave & Paula

Our first Mission Tour

Each year, each Mission is to be visited by a General Authority of the Church.  For whatever reason, our first visit was not scheduled until the last two weeks, well in to our second year.  If the truth were known, that was OK by me.  However, the tour of our Mission turned out to be uplifting, inspiring and instructive.
Elder Juan Uceda, the President of the South America Northwest Area in which our Mission is found, is from Lima, Peru, and served as a mission president during very troubled times in the country, and at a young age.  His wife also served a mission when she was younger, and they married soon thereafter.
By the way, I'm the bald guy who doesn't look as Latin.

The tour of the Mission included three conferences during which all of the missionaries had a chance to learn from Elder Uceda, as well as meetings with all of the local leaders of the Church in the Mission.

We traveled to Huancavelica, one of the more isolated cities of the Mission, and one of the very, very few that the Ucedas had not visited in the past in their various Church duties.

We also traveled to the jungle, and introduced them to our new favorite hotel, quiet, with it's own private jungle.  It was a nice brief respite on the busy tour.

During the conferences, several missionaries commented that I looked stressed.  I pointed out that it was because I was stressed.  

Again, this was a wonderful (though stressful - did I mention that?) experience, and all of us learned from President Uceda's good counsel.  As we approached the airport in Jauja to see them off to Lima, Sister Uceda laughed and said, "It's like grandkids - it's great to seem them arrive, and..."

We hope that you have such opportunities to learn from good men and women.

David & Paula

An allergy to chocolate would be sad in this Mission

Paula (aka Sister Henderson) has always been a good cook, and after adjusting to our altitude, continues to be.  Her brownies have become legendary in the Mission, and are served during breaks at meetings, to the great delight of the missionaries.

These two weeks, Elder Uceda, the President of the five-country Area of the Church in which we are serving, is making the first official tour of the Mission.  As he is a General Authority of the Church, conferences are being held with all of the local Church leaders and the missionaries.
OK, so how much stuff does it take to make jumbo-sized brownies for about 230 people?  This much.

 Add a lot of time and getting the silly oven to stay lit, and that´s a lot of brownies!

We hope that your dessert plans are less ambitious.
Dave & Paula

She still strikes fear - even in Perú!

Sister Henderson, aka Paula, has always been known for her firmness and resolve.

And that's a nice diplomatic way of saying that sometimes she can be kind of scary.  When she was President of the Primary, the children's organization at church, discipline was never tighter.

When queried as to whether Mom meant it when she mentioned the consequence for a contemplated action, or lack of same, our kids acknowledged that, yes, she was going to carry out her threats.
The Church has designed and implemented a program by which native Spanish-speaking missionaries are to learn basic English during their 18 or 24 months.  I put Sister Henderson in charge of it, knowing that by so doing, I could sit back and forget about it.

She has decreed that the program is not optional; everyone must take the test at the end of their tenure, by which they can gain certification that may be useful for future employment.  She reviews their progress at the time of the every-three-month personal interviews with me.
Every single Latin missionary has agreed that they are WAY more afraid of the interview with Sister Henderson than with me.

We hope that your adventures in foreign-language study aren't as stressful.  And that you don't do anything to upset Sister Henderson!

Dave & Paula

Peru = frequent work-arounds

Back home, serious road work is scheduled and designed to minimize disruption, i.e., at night, at times of less traffic, etc.

Here?  Not so much.  A major road will be taped off for weeks, despite no apparent workmen or progress, without so much as a detour sign.  

A parade?  A dance?  Of course they win!  The biggest north-south street, that ran in front of our apartment building, was blocked for three days for a celebration.  Of something.  Complete with saxophone music.

So, when our internet access blinked out on Saturday morning, we first figured that it was one of those frequent blink-outs, and we were patient.

However, by that afternoon, nothing.  By Sunday morning, nothing.  By Sunday night, when it was needed for real-live Mission work, nothing.

By a work-around (see below), I left a message for Monday morning to the Operations & Management guys.  One of them saw it anyway, and called Movistar, the local internet provider.

"Oh, they're just working on something in the system, and it should be fixed in a day or two."

Oh, well.....WHAT?!!  With no notice the biggest Internet Serviced Provider in town just shuts it off for a couple of days?!  Not even a detour sign?

Luckily, our phones can be used as wi-fi "hotspots" that give us internet access, though slow.

Our Voice Over Internet Protocol Phone to the US needs the internet (read the name again),

so...The call from Mike came in on the internet through Paula's phone,

then was wi-fi'd to her computer, 

which went through the VOIP hardware,

then was wi-fi'd back to her telephone, where it had come from originally,

and she could talk to Mike.  In Utah.  On his cellphone.

I think I need some Tylenol.  Or parecetamol, which is the local work-around.

We hope things are being a little more straight-forward where you are.

Dave & Paula