Everyone wants to be happy; even people doing rotten things believe that in some way, those actions will bring satisfaction or pleasure.
So, what makes people happy? Stuff apparently isn't the way to go. While buying a new gadget or the first drive in a new car may be thrilling for a short while, the thrill always fades, and we find ourselves back in the same place seeking the next purchase to keep the feeling going. New purchases lead to new expectations; as soon as we get used to a new 'thing,' we start looking for the next fancier one. And, the Joneses are always lurking nearby.
Experiences and relationships are clearly the way to go. Multiple studies have found that people who went for experiences rather than material items were happier and felt that the money was better spent. In fact, just the anticipation of an experience causes excitement and enjoyment, from the first moments of planning all the way through the memories you may cherish forever.
Thinking about this personally, I think that's true. Sure, I thought that my new (to me) whitewater kayak was cool and I couldn't wait for it to arrive, but what actually lasted through many years was the memory of great times with my sons and friends on the trips where I used that boat.
Pretty soon, the new car was just a car, but the expedition in it with the kids to finish their scuba certification diving in springs in Florida? We still talk and laugh about that, while the car long ago went to the junk yard. By the way, there is still discussion as to whether or not I forgot and left that $20 in the glove box when it was towed away.
On the Saturdays before Christmas when the kids were still kids, we'd pick up 50 dozen hot Krispy Kreme glazed doughnuts in that minivan at about 0630, shove them in the faces of sleepy friends in pajamas at their doors, yell "Merry Christmas!" and head for the next victims, laughing all the way. Tell me something I can buy for $125 (yeah, they used to be a LOT cheaper) that can cause that much good experience and good will and good memories and I'll concede. Not a chance. And by the way, I'll put how that van smelled after the Krispy Kremes up against the 'new car smell' any day.
Also, if you're still convinced that things mean more than experiences, try giving the things to someone else - the folks who do the research say that works better at making us happy than getting them for ourselves.
It has been said that "money can't buy happiness - but it can make a darn good down payment on some fun!" However, the studies like those above indicate that on the average, wealthy people are no happier than those with stricter means. While grinding poverty is a predictor of stress, illness and even physical danger, as long as basic needs are met the playing field levels out.
OK, what else works? Among others, a long running Harvard study says "relationships." How long-running was that study? It began in 1938, and eventually included well over a thousand men of various economic and social backgrounds, from guys at Harvard to folks from Boston's poorest neighborhoods (President John F. Kennedy was even part of the original group.). The study continues today, and it has found a strong association between happiness and close relationships like spouses, family, friends and social circles. The participants blessed with these relationships even lived longer; it was found that loneliness killed - in the end, it was as powerful a predictor as smoking or alcoholism.
Paula has a well-deserved reputation as a good cook, and was soon helping the folks in our group of four.
The guy teaching the class was a professional chef, having cooked in several well-known restaurants in Raleigh. (Paula has mainly cooked in the not-as-well-known-but-just-as-tasty place called Mama Paula's Kitchen.)
In the end, the food turned out very well, we bagged some new recipes and cooking methods and enjoyed our time working with the other folks in the class.
1 comment:
Awwwww! I 100% agree with you about what brings happiness, and that a car that smells like Krispy Kreme donuts beats a new car smell hands down.
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