Yikes! Only six days to go!

Even though I might have done OK with her Christmas present (see previous post), Paula's birthday is now coming up in only six days!  Gotta think fast, and take in to account shipping time.

Many folks are of the opinion, even backed by studies, that experiences count more than stuff, so I started looking.  Hmmm, this looked like a possibility:

Private Ninja Lessons!

Wow!  This looked really cool!  "Learn about mysterious ninja warriors and martial arts in NYC at one of the oldest Bujinkan schools, affiliated with Bujinkan Hombu Dojo in Japan since the 1980's.  Your instructor was awarded the title of 'Shidoshi,' 'Teacher of the warrior ways.'"  

OK, not so fast.  If this indeed turned out to be a bad choice, I could be at risk of real, mysterious physical harm, even from my 5'4" lightweight wife approaching Medicare status.

So I kept looking.  Maybe something more peaceful.

I know that she really liked reading the books, so maybe some of the culinary offshoots would also float her boat.  It sounded like a winner:  "You can indulge in spellbindingly delicious meals drawn straight from the pages of your favorite Potter stories, such as:  Treacle Tart, Harry's favorite dessert, Molly's Meat Pies, Mrs. Weasley's classic dish, Kreacher's French Onion Soup, or Pumpking Pasties, a staple on the Hogwart's Express cart.

On second thought, eye of newt and salamander toenails may not be available from WalMart.

Back to the experiences.  Yeah, that's the ticket!  Bungee jumping!

"Bungee America," for only $165 for two jumps, promises "a full day adventure: enjoy a 5-mile hike to the Bridge to Nowhere, then jump from it!"  OK, even if she thought that tying her ankles to some bungees and leaping off the Bridge to Nowhere seemed OK, that sounds like a 10-mile roundtrip walk to do so.  She might not be in a good mood when she got back to the car, where I would have been taking a nap and reading a good book.

The stuff you can buy!  Unbelievable!  for only $75, you can have an artist produce, in sterling silver no less, a Custom Pet Nose Print Necklace.  What woman wouldn't want that?!  "Pet parents know that their furry friends' noses are as unique as our fingerprints.  Using a non-toxic molding kit, you can take a cast of the pet's nose and mail it back [the cast, not the pet's nose] and the artist will then produce a stunning reproduction, with the animal's name engraved on the back!"

Unfortunately, this would probably involve actually owning a dog, the possibility of which was expressed in conjunction with a phrase having to do with something over her dead body.  In addition, even if we had a pooch, I haven't met very many that would sit still while the non-toxic molding kit was applied to their schnoz.

So, maybe not.  OK, I know she likes to drink a cup of hot chocolate in the evening occasionally, and considering that February 5th is only seven days after the statistical nadir of winter temperature in North Carolina, I thought - no-brainer. The Finger Tracing Meditation Mug!

Man, this thing looked great!  "Add some meditation to her morning mocha [evening hot chocolate] with a mug that provides a labyrinth for her finger to slowly trace over as she contemplates the day ahead [behind]."  And I bet she'd be thinking of cool things, like how to make a non-toxic cast of my nose for a necklace, or something.  On the other hand, if I guessed wrong, by this time she might be ninja-trained.

Just as I was getting out the credit card to order the mug, the winner popped up.  Numero Uno!  These Orbits Eye Stones will do it - no question.

"Made from Finnish bedrock that is more than two billion years old, these stone disks bring tired peepers relief from long hours at the computer, puffiness after a long night, or itchiness due to seasonal allergies. Chill them in the refrigerator and apply on or under your eyes for a rock-solid spa treatment at home." 

    

Two billion years old!  They must be some kind of quality!  I'm just quivering with anticipation for when she opens them!  As one commenter noted, "You can't beat Finnish engineering!"

So, that's settled.  Who needs flowers or chocolate when you can get stuff like this?!

I hope that you are as successful in figuring out birthday presents.

Dave

PS  If you'd like to see a video about guys getting it wrong and the penalty for doing so, click here.