The Trifecta!

      We're at Cape Hatteras, North Carolina for this year's Old Guys' Kite Camp, Spring Edition.  The wind has been great, and we've kited every day but Sunday.  That's because it's The Day of Rest, and that was very welcome!  

    A "downwinder" in kiteboarding is kind of what the name implies.  A group of 'kiters' gets together and plots a course generally downwind and sets out.  One of the best known downwinders on Hatteras Island is known as "Planet of the Apes," after the memorable movie of the same name in 1968.

    What does "Planet of the Apes" have to do with a bunch of crazed kiters doing a downwinder?  I'm not really sure, but the usual explanation has to do with the impenetrable marine forest between the edge of the Pamlico Sound where one would do the downwinder and Highway 12.  That's the somewhat-sketchy two-lane road running the length of Hatteras.

    This road is at the mercy of the storms that frequently hit the Outer Banks.

    Anyway, back to the downwinder, there's a section of the marine forest between the water behind the island (the Pamlico Sound) and the road that you really, really can't get through.  Quoting a guide to downwinders, 

    "Planet of the Apes easily takes the position of best flatwater run in the world." 

    "Planet got its name due to the remote location and lack of easy egress if you break down or if the wind dies. Cutting back to the road from Planet is not recommended and has only been completed by one rider." 

      Yeah, one rider that they're aware of.  Archaeologists will someday discover the remains of others, complete with their kiteboards and decomposing kites who weren't able to cut their way back to the road.  

    Anyway, it looked like a day with good, dependable southwest wind, and the suggestion was made and accepted to "Do Planet!"  

    Departure time was agreed as 9:00 AM.  Which meant we were actually on the road by 10:15 AM because someone had to take a call from their job, someone else forgot a kite, blah, blah, blah.  This may actually be a new worlds record, as agreed-upon times have little to do with reality on a downwinder.

    Along with the incontrovertible rule that downwinders never start on time, and the almost-incontrovertible rule that you cannot hack your way through the marine forest and save yourself from Planet of the Apes, there is a completely-incontrovertible law that says something is always going to mess up on a downwinder, and sure enough, the first person that launched his kite launched it right into a tree in the middle of a briar patch.  It was extricated and seemed to be OK....(foreshadowing).

    The group finally set off by about 11, complete with waterproof walkie-talkies, which weren't, and which helped increase the general level of confusion when they were actually used.  

    OK, now the foreshadowing.  Sure enough, by halfway through the six-mile course, the rescued kite had gone limp and fallen from the sky.  It had developed a slow leak from the above-mentioned trip into the briar patch.  There were now only limited alternatives:

    1.  Have the victim roll up the kite and lines and slog through the marshy water for several hours to escape Planet.

    2.  Try to cut through the marine forest between the Sound and Highway 12, thus contributing his body to the interest of some archaeologist in some century to come.  

    3.  Cast lots among the other members of the group for items of the victim's equipment, and THEN let him try to cut his way through the forest. 

    4.  Call the Coast Guard for a helicopter rescue of the victim.  Ooops.  DOGE has cut funds.  No longer an option.  

    It was close, but we opted for #1.  You know, humanity and all that.  

    So, the unfortunate member of the group rolled his stuff up and set off.  My brother Mark and I kited back and forth keeping an eye on him, and he finally made it to a point where he could emerge from Planet.

    So what's this about a trifecta?  #1 - something malfunctioned (see above-mentioned leaking kite and 'waterproof' radios), #2 - someone got hurt (does a really, really sunburned nose count?) and #3 someone had to walk out of Planet.

    We hope that your downwinders go smoothly.  And if they don't (and they won't) don't try to cut your way back to Highway 12.  Just start slogging.

Dave & Paula