Sunday, May 4, 2014

Peruvian Road Trip®!!

As we slammed along on the dental-filling-loosening road on the six-hour-plus trip to Huánuco, with nothing to do but listen to parts of the car falling off as we jarred through the potholes and landslide sites, it suddenly hit me - the solution to any anxiety about our post-mission post-retirement financial wellbeing:  Peruvian Road Trip®, the new video game!
At the beginning of the game, you are given a brand-new Nissan SUV, 
a tankful of gas (at $6.50 USD per gallon), 
a credit card which randomly may or may not be accepted at gas stations, and three missionaries crammed in the back seat, all hungry. 
You are also given a loaf of bread, a jar each of jam and peanut butter and six juice boxes.  You have to get to Huánuco/La Merced/Cerro de Pasco by a certain time, depending on the game level, with the three missionaries still alive and your wife happy.
Each failure to do so adds six months to your assigned role as "Mission President."  By the way, nothing you can do shortens it...
Points are gained by:
Having your license (see previous blog post) at one of the innumerable police stops.
Stopping and feeding the crew at one of the innumerable pachamanca restaurants along the way.
(On the other hand, you lose points if the pachamanca makers weren´t washing their hands.)
Ah, but that's another video game!
You lose points, (and have to use 50 of them cleaning the front of the car) if you hit a llama.
You gain points if you don't become part of the landslide,
and if you get to your destination without the transmission lying on the road from hitting some rock.
However, you lose 50 points every time someone has to stop and throw up (or 100 if they don't stop to throw up) on the curvy roads.  By the way, this is Tarma, one of the cities in the Mission.
You lose major points if you get stuck in one of the landslides.
 OK, but how deep could that stuff be, anyway?
 Ha!  There go major points!  It was deeper than when we came through the week before!
Points back on the chart for a nice family flagging down a good-hearted truck driver.  With towing straps.
Major points gone for a broken towing strap, and tipping the driver.
Some more points down the tubes for the condition of your shoes.
Points back on the board for not being stopped by the police - while wearing pajamas.
Ooops!  Forgot the charge for the car wash guys.
 And the dry cleaners!
We hope you do better on your video games than we did on Peruvian Road Trip.
Hmm, how about Missionary Transfers® for XBox and Play Station?!
Dave & Paula.


Anonymous said...

Wow, that was an unbelievable road trip! Glad to see you smiling at the end Dave. We miss you and pray for you every day! Marty says we need to double on the prayers now. Janine and Marty

Linda Pullan said...

Wow, that looked like some kind of wild trip!!! Peru is an exciting place!! Love you guys!

Anonymous said...

You certainly are having some fine adventures. Plenty to write home about :) I agree with anonymous, we need to double up prayers in your behalf.

Patti said...

Loved the picture of Paula's happy face looking out of the car window! That, and yet another hysterical post of your Peruvian adventures, made my day. Congratulations on little Eleanor too. Love you guys!

Scott said...

I sense a book and a movie in the future. I can't imagine who would play Dave, maybe Uncle Mark. This makes Wilson Creek like a walk in the park. Love your updates.

BJB said...

Hendo...I'm sooo glad to see your smiling face and know you and Paula are well. Dr. Alvarez and I are getting to know each other and I find him to be a great fit with your practice. I MISS YOU! Lauren is heading to ECU in August for Nursing, then on to PA School. I pray for your health and safety every day....BJ Bullamore